I've had incredible downloads and visions the last couple of days, I've seen my highest potential and the potential of humanity. In that state, it all makes sense. And back in the human realm, I feel sadness and fear. I feel we have an idea of what we want but we are in survival mode and even carry the fear of our ancestors in our DNA, plus the fear all around us... A lot of times I find myself being sad, without even knowing what I am sad about. This started when I was around 12 years old, or rather became apparent then.
Last night, I had a dream about that and a spirit told me to reprogram my brain, and that the pain I feel is the agony of separation, of feeling alone in the universe. We are all one but we don't feel one.
Then again, I notice this notion to strive towards a goal, a mission, or whatever that may be to keep you moving - but once you have what you want, there is a short moment of fulfillment and then, you are on the run again for the next thing. Be that a fancy car or enlightenment. It is always about something you don't have right now and that you think will make you happy when you have it. I keep wondering what we are moving towards to. What is the big "why" to wake up each moment and keep going?
For me, honestly, one of the reasons is to make money so I can buy the things or services that I want (and pay the bills too). I contemplate the question "What would you do if you had all the money in the world?" and things would be different.
Off course things aren't as one sided, so there are multiple aspects of this. I do love what I do, it is not that, but with more money, I would do different projects and things. It would still be creation but at a much bigger scale. Which sounds really exciting. But then again, if I don't have completely happiness where I am at, then I will likely not find it later, through different circumstances.
So there we are again with the sadness and the longing for connection, yet what triggers me most are human connections (I am ok with animals). So the sacred balance of connection and aloneness, work and play. I might explore this more in depth later.
I keep coming back to another questions, which is: "How can I serve humanity best?" This question can leave you feeling pressure of having to give back and be useful and productive and spirit usually tells me to not see it that way but to move into a frequency of love and joy, and your highest excitement will spark waves and ignite a spark in others. Your only job is managing your frequency as this is all a holographic matrix anyway, only energy matters. So follow your joy, do what is in front of you, and it will come to you. I do like that approach, yet feel I gotta do more, be more, be the frequency more consistently and yet I feel a lot of shit of me and the world around me. And the sadness and fatigue, and just wanting to rest and be held, and be safe.
I still have wonderful creations in my mind, I do have music to record, so there are things in the making.
The main questions then becomes how to move beyond the fear, the sadness, embody your highest version of yourself permanently and irreversible, if that is at all possible as long as we are humans?