I have had an eating disorder ~ Lorie Ladd

Many of you know that the one thing I have been moving through for years is my body image and how I view my body. I have had an eating disorder. I went to an inpatient treatment facility 15 years ago and yet this year was the year I freed myself completely from the thoughts that have controlled me most of my life.

I remember at the age of 6, looking down at my stomach and thinking it was fat. For 41 years I embraced the unconscious punishment I was putting my body through due to trauma I did not know how to feel.

So how did I “heal” or free myself from 41 years of deep limiting beliefs around my body…

I HELD THE VERSION OF ME I WAS BECOMING:

The last 3 years I have held the version of me that I am right now as I write this post. I knew no matter what thoughts crept in, I would BE this version of me.

I BECAME THE OBSERVER:

I became acutely aware of the ED thoughts. I had to watch them, hear them and see them all throughout my day. For me, trying to change the ED thoughts only created resistance, frustration and anger at myself. I accepted the thoughts and become the observer.

I HAD COMPASSION FOR ME:

Anytime the ED thoughts came in I held compassion for myself. I did NOT beat myself up, criticize myself or get mad at myself. I held compassion for me.

That is truly how I healed myself. I didn’t try to change my thoughts. I accepted what was showing up, in awe of the power the thoughts had over me, and I CHOSE from that perspective to not believe them. Not change them, just simply not believe them. I learned how to love myself while I was In the thoughts I didn’t want to be in and I held faith that no matter what, I was becoming this new version of me.

If you are going through something, can you remember who you are becoming? Can you observe your thoughts and can you hold compassion for you while you are moving through it?